It’s a phrase I’m sure you’ve heard before, would you rather have 4 quarters or 100 pennies? They both have the same value, right?
I think of this phrase a lot when I think about the friendships I have now or have had in the past. As a 25 year old female I can attest to the fact that it can be a struggle to find true friends. I’ll never understand why this is, because in my opinion it shouldn’t be complicated, but for whatever reason girls do a lot of backstabbing/bitchy things to each other.
I can’t count how many times in my life I have said that I wish girls functioned the same way as guys. Guys have their circle of friends, if someone gets in an argument they fight it out, occasionally physically (although I don’t condone that), and then they move on and continue playing video games or whatever it is that guys do when they hang out. Girls on the other hand are much different. Girls hold grudges and they are catty and they spread rumors and they pit their “friends” against each other. They take sides, they spread lies, they exclude each other. Girls are down right mean. Call me negative nancy or pessimistic or whatever you want to call me but in my 25 years of life those are the things I’ve learned about girls.
In the last 2 months I have ended friendships with 2 girls who I thought were some of my closest friends. I imagined both of them being in my life forever, we’re talking bridesmaid material. Each of these girls were from different circles of my life, neither of them knew the other. It was simply by chance that over the course of the same 2 months, each of them showed me a side of themselves I didn’t know existed and a side that I didn’t want to associate with. They began to bring me far more stress and anxiety than they did happiness and they made it clear multiple times that I did not have much value in their life. They didn’t respect my life choices and made me feel guilty for being in a different place in my life than they were in theirs. After some soul searching and a lot of guidance from the big man upstairs, I decided that it was no longer healthy for me to allow these 2 girls to be in my life.
For a while I was very upset about having to do this. I was especially upset about the way that it was done and to be honest if I could redo it, I would definitely have gone about it in a different way. I spent a lot of time reflecting on what led me to the point that I deemed it necessary to remove these girls from my life and I found myself in a spot of self pity wondering, “why me, I’m a good friend why can’t my friends just be good to me in return, why does everyone let me down?”
I was definitely being dramatic, which my boyfriend gladly pointed out to me, because my life is FULL of good friends and family who love me to death and never let me down. It might be a small circle but it’s my circle and I know that the people I can count on one hand are the only people I need.
It’s easy to get caught up in this idea of being friends with everyone and wanting everyone to like you. I mean, that was basically high school for most (okay all) of us. Those of us that want to admit it anyway. I’ll admit it, I wanted everyone to like me in high school. I joined every team I could join, every club, every opportunity to be involved and make friends. So yeah, I had a lot of friends in high school.
But as you grow up you realize that not everyone is a real friend and when you come across a real friend you should hold onto them tight and make sure you treat them the way you want to be treated.
So yes, 4 quarters and 100 pennies might both equal a dollar but if we’re being honest one of them has more value. I would take 4 shiny, loyal quarters over 100 pennies any day.