Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about who I am, where I’m at in life and ultimately where I want to go in life. This is a pretty deep thought but I keep coming back to it. Being a 20-something isn’t always easy. I feel like I’m on the fence between college and adulthood but I can’t seem to get both feet on the same side of said fence. It’s this weird in between phase that sometimes I don’t like very much. I’ve outgrown the college lifestyle but I’m not quite ready for the “married with kids” part of life. Now’s probably the time I should be focusing on my job and building a career but even that isn’t falling into place.
So who am I? What should I be focusing on?
Honestly, I feel pretty lost. I texted my cousin today and told her I’m pretty sure I’m having a quarter life crisis. It’s a real thing. Google it. I would love to be a stay at home mom and write a blog for a living but that’s not an option for a few years. At least not the stay at home mom part. Tom works in a career that, in a few years when we have children, will give me the ability to stay at home but until that time I have to work full time, there’s no way around it. So what the heck am I supposed to be doing? I have a full time job and I count my blessings because there are plenty of people out there who don’t have full time work, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m not always happy in my current role. I feel under-utilized and under-valued and, frankly, it’s wearing on my happiness. I don’t feel like I’m contributing much and I feel like the work I’m doing now does not represent the work that I am truly capable of producing.
In the past 48 hours I have thought about this basically non-stop. I have weighed my options, listed the pros and cons of each option, and still I don’t know what the hell to do. Life in your 20s can be hard sometimes and for me this is one of those times. Not only am I not feeling satisfied by my current job, but I’m also not feeling called to anything. I have absolutely no idea what I should be doing or want to be doing right now.
Am I the only one struggling with this right now? Am I doing something wrong? How did everyone else find their way while I got lost in the shuffle?